I'm calling bullshit on 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me'. What a crock of shit - I'd sooner someone punch my nostrils off than bully me with their words.
Words can influence our view of ourselves, damage our self-esteem, belief systems and perpetuate self-doubt and become a cancer to our confidence and ability to achieve not just our dreams and goals but contentment and happiness in life. A low self-esteem and or shitty view of ourselves can affect our world view and the way in which we interact and build connections with others. Simply put, words are powerful.
Shitty words = shitty feelings
Shitty feelings = shitty actions
Shitty actions = shitty words and feelings that make you feel shit!
Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and smile. Look how your face changes shape and maybe your eyes scrunch up a little? Do your eyes sparkle when you smile? Perhaps you get ‘bunny lines’ on your nose? Now, tell yourself how beautiful that smile is and how unique and special you are. Perhaps compliment your hair today? You get my gist.
If you’ve read that thinking, whaaaaat the fuuuuck, I’d like to ask you why? Why does that feel uncomfortable? I’ve been looking into the power of affirmations and some people suggest saying them to yourself in a mirror. I felt daft even thinking about doing it, but why? Why the hell is it so alien to some to build themselves up? I regularly pick myself apart in the mirror, talk negatively to myself, that comes easy. I can do that without being prompted to. Yet, a positive statement is difficult. There is something not quite right there.
Our view of ourselves and our inner critic can be automatic, habit like and some of us won’t consciously realise we are doing it. I know not all of you are accustomed to looking at your reflection and berating yourself – some of you avoid mirrors altogether, don’t you?
I literally call myself names, and then huff and puff about like a fucking 8 year old, but for some, you might not say it out loud, or even in your head. Sometimes, it’s just a feeling isn’t it? I think you know the ‘meh’ feeling I’m talking about, otherwise I don’t think you’d be reading this.
So, anyway, I was thinking about what that negative self-talk does to my mood and general well-being. Do I feel good after telling myself I’m a fat umpa lumpa or that I’m an old saggy baggy bastard? Or that I'm a shitty person because I fuck things up all the time and I'm not good enough for anything or anyone? Of course not, it makes me feel utterly shit and mardy as fuck.
And here comes my point – so doesn’t it make sense that talking positively to ourselves can have a huge, positive impact on our well-being?
I would never dream of speaking to someone else the way in which I speak to myself. It’s not ok and I’m changing the record. Let’s face it, I’ve not managed to bully myself into change nor acceptance so far, so…(shrugs shoulders)
Now, I know I’m late to the party with this self-love thing and I aint about to show you a pic of me in my pantie girdle (yes, I have one) but despite having the odd ‘Yesssss girl’ moment at beautiful, unfiltered, confident women (and some men), I’m always left with ‘I wish I could give less fucks, but I don’t know how'. I would rather sand-paper my own eyeballs than show my 3 stone overweight body and all its flaws. HOW do I be more like those women? HOW do I change the record, accept myself and FEEL beautiful when I can barely look at myself?
I’ll do that by challenging my inner critic - and it will start with affirmations.
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome negative thoughts and self-sabotaging thoughts. It’s science backed! MRI imaging has shown that parts of the brain associated with feeling good and reward are fired up during affirmations.
It makes perfect bloody sense to me, that if shitty self-talk can make me feel shitty, that lovely self-talk can make me feel lovely.
I’m willing to challenge my own thoughts and beliefs and replace them with some positive affirmations and let’s see what happens. Here’s my how:
I will choose a couple that resonate with me, I’ll let you know what they are when I’ve figured that out. I will say them to myself for a few minutes, 3 times every day. Where possible I will say it in the mirror, maybe whilst I’m getting ready in the morning. Or perhaps in the shower? Or maybe I’ll write them down. The circumstances might change but I will adapt accordingly to practice more compassionate self-talk. And lastly, I won’t just say/write it, I will FEEL it. I will lift myself up.
I will also recognise and challenge any negative thoughts towards myself, as they pop up, not just about the way I look or how much I weigh but the other stuff too. I've removed my filter and I'm quite happy now to talk about and share the uglier parts of life or my personality and failings.
Anyone seen ‘I Feel Pretty’? (chick flick type film with Amy Schumer) It is utterly brilliant. It (hilariously) highlights how confidence can impact our lives and what we believe, is what we attract.
I think I will do a part 2 and ponder this further and how our self-view impacts our self-care and goal attainment.
I'm off to work on a body positivity, self love box and affirmation cards. Watch this space.
I hope you join me in releasing self-criticism and choosing self-love.
Love Em xx